Tuesday, April 9, 2013

What's a Girl To Do?


What does a girl do when there is someone that she truly and strongly esteems and admires? A friend and I were asking this question recently. We have all had crushes and have been girlish and silly about it, treating it flippantly. But, it is hard to navigate your feelings as you transition from the age of googly-eyed infatuation to womanhood. As you, for the first time, wonder if you are ready for a real relationship. What does one do when there is an object to your affection and you want to take it seriously? Is it appropriate for you to make it apparent that you do care for him or is that too forward & maybe flirtatious? It's confusing. I'm confused by it. In talking it out though I think that I found some clarity that will at least give an attitude and perspective change.

1.) Don't be so desperate for his attention that you alter yourself to be noticed. Don't force yourself to listen to his favorite music when you know you would never in a million years have listened to that style if it weren't for him. Don't try to convince yourself that you share favorite TV shows. Don't rent every action movie you see on his favorites list on Facebook and "subtly" mention them within ear distance of him. Don't pick up a new hobby to impress. I love this quote and think it is something we all need to work towards:

“When you’re twenty-five-ish, you’re old enough to know what kind of music you love, regardless of what your last boyfriend or old roommate always used to play…”  [Shauna Niequist in Bittersweet]

People's interest vary...that's OK. In fact it's a beautiful thing. It's things like interests and personal tastes and favorite movies/books/music that make people unique and give humanity texture and diversity. Be you, bravely:

-I am a bookish sort of person. I won't hide my inner nerd. I'll be that nerd loudly.

-I listen to everything from Wailin' Jennys to Jennifer Lopez to Stevie Nicks to LMFAO. That's what I love and that's what I will blare with my windows rolled down.

-I watch British television, Who Wants to be a Millionaire, and TV Land. Quirky and old-ladyish maybe. But, it's fun for me and that's a good thing.

Don't be so set on changing the good things about you that make you unique to make yourself into some sort of wannabe clone of him. You are important. Your interests and like and dislikes and hobbies matter. And altering yourself it isn't worth your energy. Trust me, there are probably many other things about you and your character that truly do need adjusting. Draw the focus away from the superficial and onto the important things.

***Note: If you happen to genuinely like the same things that he does then that is wonderful. My point is: Don't force it.

2. ) One of the biggest questions I have and lots of girls ask themselves is, "How do I get him to know that I like him?".
I have no clue. But, I do know that should not be your main focus. Your focus needs to be on being the best version of yourself that you can be. Be kinder, be gentler, be sweeter, be a lady. Maybe he'll notice. After all, you don't want the kind of guy that goes for a flirt. You should want the type of guy who wants to be with a girl who takes life and herself seriously. Be that girl.

3.) Be mature about it. That is sort of a broad statement, but I think it is a good method of looking at your behavior and actions around him. Ask yourself: Is it mature? Is it wise? Will I regret it?

4.) Don't daydream about your "future together". Why torture yourself over something that possibly isn't meant to be? Guard your heart. Guard your mind. The here and the now are what's important. You being your best is what matters. Limit the "What if's?" as much as possible.

5.) And, and extra one (just so I can round this list up to five): Don't listen to mournful music about broken hearts and love lost. You are not allowed to listen to "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift or cry over Eponine's "On My Own"---OK?

Maybe he will notice you and maybe he won't, but at least you will be a better person with more confidence in *you* than before. And, that's what we should all be striving for anyways...with or without a guy in the picture. 
It feels a little weird to be writing this post. I've never been in a relationship, but I have had my fair share of crushes and acted in less than a mature manner around them. Now I am nearing 21 and growing out of the age of childish crushes and into someone who finally feels "ready". This is me: trying to figure it all out and attempting to grow in this new world of maturity.

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