Friday, August 16, 2013

Pinterest Friday (Oh, Puh-lease!)

Hi friends! One of my greatest pet peeves is something that I am bombarded with daily on Pinterest: Food Art.

I admit that it takes a great deal of talent to carve the face of an Indian man into the rind of a watermelon or to make a horrifyingly realistic man face veggie tray, but I ask you...."What is the point?" I don't want my food staring at me. Do you? It is for this very reason that I go to the supermarket and buy already de-boned, cut up, disguised chicken that in no way resembles it's truest of farm animal forms. That is why I don't gather eggs under the rumpus of mother hens for my morning breakfast. No. I purchase them in a nice carton of twelve and go about my day. So, why I ask would you take a perfectly good piece of fruit and make it into something creepy? It's fruit. It is of the purest origin. Nothing about fruit is gross, and yet you make it gross by forming it into Chief Bear Moon River and Ken Barbie Doll's face.

I am not against all food art. For, wait. That's right. I do hate all food art. There is no exception.


I don't understand the logic behind my disapproval of food art save that it is totally unnatural. Some forms are worse than others. If it doesn't make me dry heave then it has been left out of today's post. If it does make me dry heave, then it has been included so you can join me in utter revulsion:

You guys do realize that you are serving a baby for everyone to eat, right? You literally are carving a melon into a baby shape and then eating it. At a shower. That's sick.

 I don't even know what to say about this. Firstly, it only has two legs. Secondly, it's a pile of rice with raisins. That is not real food. Thirdly, Why can't you just eat a bowl full of rice with raisins on the side? Why must it look like a lumpy, lanky, lamb?

 Awwww. It's a rice ball Pikachu with a pink cheese flowers, fruit rollup cheeks, spam balls, and kale salad for added nutrition. Yummy!


 Enough with the rice, people! It's blue and there's an egg yolk and algae and mushroom geese! Ugghh!

 Leather omelets are the new "Snuggie".

I realize that this may not necessarily qualify as "food art", but I think it deserves mentioning here. I am all for disguising vegetables into fun foods to get your kids to eat healthier. But, why would you go through so much trouble to feed them the ultimate nutritonless meal? It's boiled processed pig and other misc. meats with noodle worms. That is vile.

And, this of course was my favorite:

The meat caste served on a Rubbermaid bin lid. As someone who is ever teetering on the edge of vegetarianism, I can say that this may be the most convincing case to spare the lives of animals and stick with tofu that I ever did see. Somebody spent a lot of time building that meat castle, and I doubt that it was in a refrigerated room or that it could fit into a refrigerator. I'll betcha that the cheese is sweating and the flies are buzzing around the turrets right about now.

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