Monday, August 19, 2013

I am not a classy granola lady in pearls.

As I was pouring myself a cup of coffee last Friday morning I heard one of my coworkers say in her lovely jamaican accent, "Lyndsay! You look so hippie. And, like a classy sort of June Cleaver." Yes! I finally am the 1950's, chic, granola lady fashionista I have always strived to be. I turned around to say "Thank you" only to find her hands outstretched about two feet apart from eachother. Oh! You mean that kind of "hippie". Not "hippie", but "hippy". I am fully aware of my "hippy-ness". Thanks for the very visual reminder. I don't know why she pointed out my childbearing hips, but for my own sake I'm going to pretend that she meant it as a compliment.


Someday I (Lord willing) will be a Mom. That excites me and terrifies me at the same time. I want daughters very much, but the thought of raising young women in today's world scares the what-what out of me. I've been thinking about this over the past few weeks. And yesterday it occured to me that it is near impossible to expect to raise confident, modest, girls with a healthy and sure body image when I am none of those things myself. I'm the girl who cringed and felt naked and exposed when I wore bermuda shorts for the first time last year. How can I hope to have strong and confidently beautiful daughters when I am incapable of modeling that to them? I think that I need to do an overhaul on myself. And, so I will be blogging on the subject of body image over the next few weeks as I try to sort through the things that were instilled in me through out my life whether it be by society, the world, the church, family, or the unspoken assumptions I made.


When my coworker told me how "hippy" I looked, I smiled to her face and then quickly rushed to the bathroom where I stood on my tippy toes and twisted around so I could get a good look at my waist from every angle. And, I thought about what she said for the rest of the day. I couldn't wait to get home from work so I could change out of that embarassing pair of slacks into something that hid my figure a little better. I think it was as I was craning my neck to see my backside when I realized just how ridiculous this was and how badly I need to readjust my perspective.


  1. I am looking forward to reading your posts on this subject. I have a lot of shame surrounding my new shape and size when I think about returning to work. I work with a particularly fashionable woman who is 8 years older than me. Her hair is blonde and cut in a short fashionable Victoria Beckham look. She is tanned and has NO HIPS (looking fabulous in ANY pants ---with heels and impeccable makeup) We often admire each other's clothes and hair and shoes and boots and have, in the past, discussed some staff who don't seem to put any effort into their appearance (yes that is not nice----I am realizing that it only fuels the need to look good each day to feel superior or valuable). I recognized when she went on vacation for four weeks, I dressed much more casually, and comfortably....because she was not there. Weird......

    So part of what fuels my inability to return to work is the thought of what they would say--or more importantly--what they would say when I was not around. Being their supervisor--I feel like they will not respect me as much, or feel sorry for me ---or even worse--LIE TO MY FACE saying they can't tell I have gained weight.....

    So you can see from my post today that this is on my mind. Not to return to how I looked but to start to get physically healthy. Although getting back in that dress would feel awesome. LOL Clearly this one requires my time as well!

    Thanks for being so open sharing!

  2. Popped in here from Prodigal... well done and bravely done! Your willingness to share from your heart blesses and strengthens others.

    May I suggest getting and reading Brené Brown's book "The Gifts of Imperfection"... I'm on my fifth read and still learning to apply some very important concepts to my own life.
    Blessings, K

    1. Yes! I have heard of that book by multiple people. It sounds amazing. It's so popular though that I have had to wait MONTHS now for it to become available in my library. But, I will read it as soon as possible. Thank you for stopping by. :)