Pinterest Friday (Magic)

I was sitting in class at church the other morning when I had an obvious epiphany totally unrelated to the topic being taught. I do this quite often...don't tell my pastor. I just have a very active imagination and can easily distract myself.

I started daydreaming about fawns and fairies and dwarves and centaurs. I've always been very miffed that our world is so lacking in magical and fantastical creatures. But, then it struck me: I wonder if the people in other worlds marvel at these equisite creatures or just walk by them without a second glance because they have become so ordinary to them. I wonder if griffons and mermaids and unicorns are normal to them just like birds and horses and fish are normal to us. And, then I got miffed that these other people are surrounded by such beauty and give it no notice. But, aren't I just as guilty? Perhaps I am surrounded by just as much magic as they are, but they have become ordinary to me and forgotten. These other worldly people could be just as upset with me for not stopping and admiring the squirrels and dragonflies and frogs. I think that "magic" is just what is unatural and out of ordinary for us. But what is ordinary for us is extraordinay for someone else, so maybe we really are surrounded by magic and have just forgotten it. Maybe we need to wake up and notice and watch with glittering eyes. Maybe if we believe in magic we will find it in the most unlikely places: right before our very eyes.

























A happy Friday to you all!

"Then Mrs. Tiggy-winkle made tea—a cup for herself and a cup for Lucie. They sat before the fire on a bench and looked sideways at one another. Mrs. Tiggy-winkle's hand, holding the tea-cup, was very very brown, and very very wrinkly with the soap-suds; and all through her gown and her cap, there were hair-pins sticking wrong end out..."

--"The Tale of Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle" by Beatrix Potter

 

 

This is exactly the picture I had in my head as I sipped my tea this evening. It's been a long day. Carley and I went shopping because we were both in desperate need of clothes. I spent a total of ten hours at nine stores today and so you can imagine how utterly exhausted I am. I bought Republic of Tea Peach & Ginger tea to reward myself for surviving this dreadfully long day. And, being the imaginative person that I am, I pretended that I was Lucie and that Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle was the one who served me the tea. That has always been my favorite Beatrix Potter story after all. Of course, Mrs. Tiggy-Winkly didn't just boil water from the tap. She went outside early in the morning to catch the dew dripping from the flowers into her pail. And she steeped the tea with peaches she dried herself, tea leaves from her garden, and freshly grated ginger. She sweetened it with just the right touch of honeysuckle and added enough milk to make it a delicate pink. And then we sat on the bench by the hearth; sipping and talking and pouring ourselves another cup, then sipping and talking some more.

 

And, now you know what is going on my head as I stare of into the never space.

Pinterest Friday (Balance)

Before getting a job I would fill my days with quiet reading, puttering about the house cleaning, spending hours on a single drawing, and I slept an awful lot as well. It was good; perhaps a little too relaxed, but mostly it was good. Somewhere along the way my laid back approach to life slowly became cluttered. Eventually I found myself feeling overwhelmed and exhausted all the time with a hundred things on my to-do list. I hate it, but at the same time I'm having a hard time giving it up. I feel purposeful and accomplished with an overflowing schedule. But, I miss the old me. The one that was still organized and liked her lists and spreadsheets and always arrived five minutes early, but also took deep breaths and would spend some mornings just sitting and listening to music because in that moment the music was all that mattered. Keeping busy has in many ways been a good thing. I live with intention and it certainly keeps me more positive. What I need is to find balance. Which is easier said than done. I've posted about this before. In recent reflection I have come to realize something about myself. I want to see my flaws and then be awesome overnight. I don't want the journey or the process. I just want to get it done and overwith already! I'm sure that a lot of that is ego. I notice an area that needs work, and I want to patch it up before anyone else notices. The idea of a long process of change is not appealing. And, so I try to fix it quietly and quickly and when that fails I throw in the towel. My most recent post on this subject was me throwing in the towel. I had given up for a while on trying to live a quieter, clutter-free, stress-free life. It's a funny thing, and I guess it just shows how God is faithful even when we are faithless, but in recent weeks my need to do everything has lessened. I've slept in a little here and there. I've set up a desk in my room where I can sit and create and breathe and watch the rain fall. I've curled up on the couch and read a book even when there were things unchecked on my list. It started happening when I gave up trying. My life sort of naturally became calm and balanced (Not totally, but it’s a start). The constant anxiety that I feel boiling in my heart had dissipated. It sort of reminded me of the conversation Heather Kopp had with  her husband Dave, “Even in the dark.” Even when I stopped trying, even when I was faithless, even in the dark God remained faithful and continued to work in my heart.
“Finding balance” is such an abstract, nebulous goal really. It’s not like there is a clear cut answer anywhere which is why it’s so difficult to attain, and very easy to lose as well. And, it varies for every individual too. I think that it's sort of like happiness. It's not really an end goal, but a way of life.  And I think that is what makes it so important. It's something you carry with you through out life and something you can easily misplace and forget. And, so you need to fight for it and work for it and hold tight to it. It's the constant, everyday choices that I think are the most important things in life. Having to work for something daily is proof that it is worth fighting for.

If I could sum up living with "balance" or better yet "harmony" as best as I can, I think I would say that it is to live and love and serve as best as you can and with the joy in heart. As soon as you start feeling the joy being crowded out by stress or anxiety or the need to be noticed it's time to stop and re-evaluate things.

This is a rambling sort of post. I suppose what I'm trying to say is this: God doesn't give up on you even when you give up on yourself and that "balance" isn't something to get and then check off your list. It's a daily choice to put aside ego and choose peace.

I'm learning that perfection is something I need to worry less about. I am so caught up in the end results that I forget to notice the process. God is working in me now. Everyday he is making me more like him. And sometimes I'll fall and forget and screw up, but he is faithful and maybe the falling and forgetting and screwing up is just Him reminding me that things go so much better when I depend on him.

And, here is the part where I try to tie this all in with a Pinterest pin to justify my addiction.:

But, really! This post totally sprung from these two pins.

Hope you all have a fantastic weekend!

How Should We Talk To God?

My dad gave me the A.C.T.S. formula one evening during family devotions.

Adoration
Confession
Thanksgiving
Supplication

 I don't know if he intended for me to accept it as law or if it was just a suggestion to guide me through prayer, but I took it as law. All of my prayers followed these organized four steps. I praised, confessed, thanked, and asked.

"Dear God, You are awesome and made everything. Please forgive me for lying to mom today. Thank you for my family and for all things.....what does supplication mean again? Oh, yeah...And, please save everybody. In Jesus name. Amen."

Prayer was my performance to God. I would follow the formula, use as many big and flowery words as possible (because God hears only the eloquent prayers of course), tidy it all up in the end with a nice "In Jesus name", seal the envelope, and offer my finely polished prayer to this stern higher power. 

There were times when I was confused by God, and so I would come timidly before him and question him.

"Why would you let my dad do such horrible things to me? Why did you let Meghan die? Why did my Mom miscarry after I begged you for a little sister for years? What kind of a God lets a Dad abuse his children, Lets a little girl suddenly fall into a coma and die, and lets a baby die? I don't get you, God."

 But, then I would get scared because I'm not supposed to question the creator of everything. Doubting him is the highest offense. And, so I would tidy up my prayer, trying to convince myself and God that I really did trust him fully. There had to be closure. Even if I didn't get the answer I wanted and I was even more confused than before I started praying, I would pretend to be satisfied and to have peace.

"But, I know you are sovereign, God. I know that you work all things for my good. And so I trust you. Thank you for everything. In Jesus name. Amen."

A sigh of relief...I tricked Him. And then I would seal the envelope and offer my somewhat battered but frantically patched up prayer to this harsh higher power.

And there were times when I threw away the formulas and begged with hands clasped together and tears streaming. They were prayers of repetition. I knew what I wanted, and that one thing consumed me. And, so I would repeat the request over and over and over and over again.

"Please make me a Christian. I don't want to go to hell. Please make me a Christian. I don't want to go to hell. Please make me a Christian. I don't want to go to hell."

 ... An incantation. I would repeat it a hundred times and then worry that a hundred wasn't enough. So, I would repeat it a hundred times more. I mostly prayed these prayers under my breath as I laid in bed at night. And, usually I would drift to sleep with the words still on my tongue. And then the prayer would drift up to heaven, un-hemmed, unfinished, desperate, and terribly messy to this fickle wizard. Although my view of God was so sadly wrong, I think that this prayer was the most honest and real. And, maybe the most honoring to him.

In all my years of formulas, tricking, and magic spell prayers I don't remember ever looking in the Bible to see what God had to say. It turns out I had it all wrong (No, duh.) I had a horribly misguided view of the one I was praying to. Stern? Harsh? Fickle? He is a thousand things, but none of those. 
I wish that I had recalled the verse that said that "God is Love" 1 John 4:8 or remembered that "The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love." Psalm 103:8. If I had a better understanding of God then maybe I would have been able to "come boldly to the throne of grace, that [I] may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16 instead of stumbling towards it with shoulders stooped trying so hard to "get it right" and convince him to do as I had asked.  I was so intent on presenting him with the perfect prayer that I missed out completely on the beauty that I have since discovered in it.

Psalm 139:1 says, "O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me." When I read this I finally gave up on the facade and I realized that trying to "look my best" before God was a complete waste of time. If he knows my heart then he knows that there are doubts and confusions and maybe even some anger stored up in there growing bitter. He sees right through my beautifully worded, well-constructed prayer as the hollow lie that it is. I don't think that God is very pleased when I lie and try to trick him. I think that he would be much happier if I was totally real and honest even if the "real and honest me" is a wreck.

I now have taken a completely different approach to prayer. I sit down, open my mouth, and say everything. My prayers lack eloquence at times, they have no filters, they are a mess. There is no pretty packaging or pretense. It just is. But, they are beautiful to Him and to me because understand better what the purpose of prayer is.

Prayer is acknowledging your dependence on a loving God. Prayer is getting to tell Him in person how awestruck you are by Him. Prayer is throwing yourself down at his feet in open surrender and saying, "I've got nothing. Help." Prayer is looking him in the eyes and saying, "I don't get you. You confuse me. Why would you do this to me?" Prayer is the meeting place where an unreachable and intangible God becomes real and here and now. Prayer is an intimate drawing near. Prayer is you standing naked before an Almighty Creator and knowing with confidence that He loves you not in spite of you brokenness, but because of your brokenness. Because "The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life." 1 Timothy 1:15-17

I know now that God is more honored with my honesty than he ever was with my attempt at perfection.

Now I am not so worried about trying to resolve everything in a single prayer and I don't try to patch up my prayers with "But, don't worry, God. I trust you." If I haven't found the answer, or I don't feel satisfied, I'll end my prayer with, "To be continued..." 

I know now that wondering and questioning isn't the doubt that I have always so fearfully avoided. It's searching the immeasurable, mysterious, bountiful everything that God is.

"As she continued praying before the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was speaking in her heart; only her lips moved, and her voice was not heard. Therefore Eli took her to be a drunken woman. And Eli said to her, “How long will you go on being drunk? Put your wine away from you.”  But Hannah answered, “No, my lord, I am a woman troubled in spirit. I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have been pouring out my soul before the Lord. Do not regard your servant as a worthless woman, for all along I have been speaking out of my great anxiety and vexation.”  Then Eli answered, “Go in peace, and the God of Israel grant your petition that you have made to him.”  And she said, “Let your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then the woman went her way and ate, and her face was no longer sad."

--Samuel 1:12-18

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There is much that I still don't understand about prayer. Why do we ask of God when He has already decided the outcome? We can't sway him; He's already decided everything. But, I ask anyways since he tells me to and I'm sure that he has a good reason.

......................................................

Hey! I'm so clever and I didn't even realize it. My new "formula" is:

"I Sit down, Open my mouth, and Say everything." and that would make my new acronym "S.O.S". How appropriate?!

A good read for a monday morning.

A Prayer for You, Day

This is a prayer for today, which is to say it’s
a prayer for every day, since tomorrow can’t arrive
without becoming today and yet this day has
never existed before, which means…
I’ve been waiting for you all of my life.
May I stay here in you, day, where I belong
and not travel to tomorrow or yesterday in hopes
of changing what is already gone or hasn’t yet come
and can’t be rushed without mistakes.
I pray I won’t judge you halfway through as good
or bad or imagine that you should be other
than what you are, or decide in the afternoon
that the honeymoon is over and clearly you are
too hot or long or dull.
Today, may I welcome every moment you bring
as proof that life is right, and let me seize all your
wonders and all your ordinariness, too,
without demanding more.
Teach me to begin again and again,
like you do—your morning mercies fresh as
the heads of newborn babes who carry your scent
and make me want to start you all over again,
only more awake this time,
and more undone by you.

By Heather Kopp at heatherkopp.com

Books, etc.

I've spent the past few evenings purging my room and attic of things I no longer need. It's crazy how you can accumulate so much junk without realizing. I'm still knee deep in clothes and toys and other random things. I'm finally finishing up sorting through all of my books. I had three pile: Keep in my room, store in the attic, and donate to Goodwill. In the end I have 208 in my room, 239 in the attic, and 0 in the donation pile. Oh, well....
I have come across so many precious keepsakes and memories. I am a big-time saver of anything with sentimental value. Once my room and the attic are completely organized, I am going to compile all of the doodads I have saved over the years into a book. Should be fun!

Pinterest Friday!!!

You know how bloggers sometimes have themed posts? Like every Monday they post an inspirational quote? Or they have "Wordless Wednesdays" with photos only? I'm going to try that. Readers! (All two of you)I proudly present "Pinterest Friday". This is my attempt at redeeming the many hours wasted on that addicting site. Every Friday (or maybe not. Maybe I'll give up after a week or two. No promises.) I will post something I pinned on Pinterest that week with my commentary. It's sounds boring, I know. But, I'm going to give it a go anyways.

And for our first installment, I give you wise words on a blindingly yellow background. Don't look too long or your eyes might bleed.

I saw this and thought immediately of a post by one of my favorite bloggers, Kate Conner. Please read it.

Infuse the ordinary things in life with beauty. Make them your "sacred ritual" and watch them as the blossom into something extraordinary. It's funny how using pitcher full of sudsy water to clean your counters instead of a bottle of bleach, using cloth napkins instead of using a roll of paper towel as you center piece, or straightening the living room before you sip you first cup of coffee in the morning can bring peace and calm into your life.

Ain't it the truth?