Hiatus

Hello,

My last post was a recommitment to blogging more faithfully. It is almost two week later and I have yet to post again. I promise you that I am much more dependable in most other aspects of my life.

The day after I wrote here I received that sad news that my Grandma had passed away suddenly. It's been a rough week. But, what a comfort and peace it brings to know that she is with her Savior and with the love of her life, Lenny again. Her memorial service was this past Saturday and it was so good to spend a day celebrating her life. So many people spoke and shared how she had impacted their lives. She loved so deeply and made everyone she met feel precious and cherished. Her mission in life was to share the story of Hope and Salvation through Christ to as many people as she could, and she did just that. In fact, she led her nurse to the Lord less than twenty-four hours before she passed away. I am so blessed to have had her in my life. But, I am going to miss her so very much. My heart is really hurting.

I've done a lot of thinking this past week. I've looked at life and I've decided that I need to take a break. I have written 114 blog entries this year. That is a lot. Blogging has been a healing and learning experience for me. I've done things and overcome things that I never thought were possible. And, I'm so grateful for it all. But, there are other things I feel like I need to focus on. The holidays are approaching, I am growing deeper in friendships, My sisters and I have been training to run a 5K, and I miss reading. I'll still be writing of course, but just not here. I'm reading Anne Lamott's "Bird by Bird" right now and it is inspiring me to try my hand at writing fiction. I don't know. We'll see. Blogging has been good. I proved to myself that I can stick with something and that I can and need to write. But, I think that I need to lean in and focus on some other areas in my life right now. I'm sure that I will be back here eventually. Today though I am signing out and I'm not sure for how long. At least until the beginning of the year I think.

I'm sad, but I think that this is the right thing to do. I have been feeling much guilt over not writing here as often as I should, and I never want my writing to be fueled by guilt. I'm looking forward to coming back. I am sure that I am going to miss it here.

Is this the 4th or 5th time that I have recommitted to writing? Oh, bother....

Writing keeps getting put on the back burner and I don't like it. I used to wake up before 6 every morning and spend over an hour reading, writing, and praying. It was such a peaceful and solid way to begin each day. Still life keeps getting fuller and fuller and I need that extra sleep. But, I'm going to try to set my alarm a little earlier for tomorrow and see if I can't try again. Because I miss it. I miss sharing and thinking. My head is ever in a tizzy lately because the thousands of thoughts buzzing about my mind have been left there to buzz and swarm and make less and less sense. When what they need is to be released and set firmly on paper...or computer.

I was running the other night by myself. The air was almost crisp, and I actually saw stars twinkling in the heavens above, and then I realized that I was praying. And, that made me happy because I love when my soul reaches out beyond it's human cage and communes with it's Creator. I try to remember to pray but it so often feels forced and quoted, but sometimes it spills out of me from my gut like second nature. It's my heart groaning for a closeness with it's King or it's a tenderness granted by the Holy Spirit for a particular person or issue. I found myself praying for a sweet friend of mine, Marie. I love her. Everyone needs a Marie in their life. And, I hope that God answered my prayer and met her that night. I hope that she felt especially loved and cherished by a God who delights in her and all of his creation.

Oh! I have an exciting post coming soon. I am going to share my list of favorite children's books. Maybe that's not exciting for you, but I'm looking forward to it. Children's stories are my favorite and I am not embarrassed to admit it. Hopefully I will finish that post up in the next few days.

It is late now, and I should go to bed if I am to get up and right early in the morning. Sleep tight.

"Fort Knox" or "I Fake Laugh So Often at Your Lame Jokes That I Have Forgotten What My Real Laugh Sounds Like."

We keep our front door locked at my office. I have to speak to any guests over the intercom before I buzz them in. As a certain gentleman came through the doors this afternoon, he exclaimed, "Man! It's like Fort Knox in here!" and then he looked at me with anticipation, waiting for me to clutch my stomach and guffaw at his hilarious joke. I obliged and threw my head back and with joy and amusement at our comedic guest. But, inside I raged with frusteration and anger because: That joke is not funny. It is in fact, quite lame. Perhaps it made me smirk the first, second, and third time I heard it. But, I have been with this company for over two years now and I hear that joke by at 80%of those who enter. Of course, these people are unaware of that, and I am sure that they are just trying to brighten the lonely receptionist's day with an original "ha-ha!". But people! Not to sound dramatic, but I would rather be stabbed in the eye with a fork than hear your stupid joke. But, I could never respond thusly for it would be quite impolite. These people do not know that they are repeating the same sentence of thousands before them. I want to scream everytime I hear it, but I can't because I am not angry at them in particular. I am angry at the accumulation of well-meaning, unfunny people's lame sense of humor. And, what can I do with that frustration except to suck it up and laugh until my sides hurt for their sake. But, know that it pains me to do so.